Its funny how you tend to idealize people and things you haven't seen in a while. Its like the absence in turn makes their existence that much more pleasing. However the minute their presence returns and the luster fades, the flaws that you remembered them having returns. That is especially true for me. You see my venture into California had stripped away the only thing that I had. My home. That was an especially hard challenge to overcome. Never before did I have to live entirely on my own merit. However as the weeks went on by I shed my fear of not having a home and created my own home. A home where I could live without judgement, stress, and temptation. I was very proud of my new home I created because I was able to accomplish complete tranquility. It was something that I never had the pleasure of having before then. In exchange there always seemed to be a whole that needed filling. The tranquility didn't seem at all balanced with the havoc that I'm used to. So in attempt to get a temporary fill of complete havoc I flew back to my birthplace. At first it was exactly what I needed. My sisters displayed a sense of respect as well as my parents. Which made me feel like I truly was on my way to becoming a man. Then as the weeks went on I noticed a fade. It was as if I felt myself slipping backwards into a state of mind that I had prior to my journey. And then I slowly realized the trap I had put myself in. I totally reneged on my pledge to get back in shape along with other things. It's like the roller coaster had reached the peak and is beginning to roll backwards. I had never imagined that my innocent trip back home would drastically change my plans for the future. I must escape this trap and somehow recreate a new home here in New York where I can lick my wounds and continue on as the adventurous "Mr. Rager". Whether I would return to my beloved california remains to be seen. However I do not doubt that my travels had ended just yet. Looking ahead I have somewhat of a feeling that I would return to the western United States. But as of right now it can only be judged as speculation. Lets see where my journeys take me.
I dedicate this passage to all those people who have a desire to navigate the earth and intend to create their own home just like I did. May I remind you that the paths that lie ahead will not be easy. And the physical and mental strain you would soon face is something that you must endure. It is the way you overcome these said obstacles is what's going to determine your fate. Push on fellow "Mr. Ragers" and don't forget to tip your hat to the Cudder who inspired myself and many others like me.
I dedicate this passage to all those people who have a desire to navigate the earth and intend to create their own home just like I did. May I remind you that the paths that lie ahead will not be easy. And the physical and mental strain you would soon face is something that you must endure. It is the way you overcome these said obstacles is what's going to determine your fate. Push on fellow "Mr. Ragers" and don't forget to tip your hat to the Cudder who inspired myself and many others like me.
